I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
