just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize