And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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