this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
