Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
