two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
