Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
