i just had sex bonerless
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
