Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
