Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
