I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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