I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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