yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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