oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
