Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
