god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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