Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
