maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
