He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
This baby is an asshole
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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