were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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