I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
