hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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