we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
