If that was your dad, he is hot
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
