'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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