Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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