i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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