Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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