If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
