i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The struggles of a small town man whore
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
