Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
