I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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