I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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