Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So vagazzling was a success
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
