haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just had sex bonerless
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
