Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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