is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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