Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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