It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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