Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
