I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
