I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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