I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
