to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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