walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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