Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
