We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
