When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
