i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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