Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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