so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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