If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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