oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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