Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
