So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
