were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
