Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
