too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
