Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
