I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
