Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
