I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love having hate sex.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
