i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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