i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
