Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
