It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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