So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
