fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize