WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
