No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I look better un-naked...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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