Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
