Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
